Picture Spring: Day 2, Morning Ritual

Today we were encouraged to capture a vignette of our morning ritual. And while I read the message at midnight as I went to bed, I did not have the time to take such a picture this morning, I even tried after Josh was in bed when there was some waning evening/psuedo-morning light to compose a shot I would have taken this morning had I the time to have done so.

But then I was reading over some of the course materials, and a line jumped out at me, "shoot from the heart." This course isn't about completing assignments but about discovery as a photographer.

This is my morning routine right now, most days, and especially this week. Him.

I do my best to fly out of bed, corral Josh into the car, match the local high speed traffic into the city to the hospital, and then excruciatingly drive up all the floors of the visitor parking garage, behind inept newbies and spaced out frequent flyers, and of course, past an array of open spaces.

Because Josh likes the roof, he likes the number 5, and he likes red. All these align in a trifecta of perfection as the roof is the fifth floor, and the giant number 5 sign, it's red.

And on sunny mornings, he runs around and laughs and goes to his regular roof spots and I take part in his hospital visit ritual, which always includes him telling me not to take pictures, to come with him "hurry!," and after his little routine we always come down the elevator. . . late.

But that too is part of the routine it seems. And we go through all the other steps of the day hospital routine, signs to read, art to say "good morning" to, buttons to push, paths to choose, familiar faces to find and chat with, fish to greet, ice cream to grab from the kitchenette--all so we can go sit in a windowless 6'x10' room for hours, and poison him.

And even though his routine can be tedious, as we sit in that room, I know we both are wishing we were back on that roof, enjoying the sun, and that is the part of our morning ritual I remember the most clearly, because that one does more than provide a comfortable set of steps to follow, it sustains.


april 2, the last friday I poison my son.




(I would have loved to compose this better, and got his whole shadow, but as I said, getting sassed for trying to capture it is part of the routine. in the backpack is his IV infusion pump)